Last night, I was one of those women. I am talking about the kind of woman that a man salivates for. The kind of anticipation that bubbles up in a man so feverishly that he has to sit on this hands to simmer. I arrived at LAX last night from a fantastically fun Jewish jamboree of Texas awesome! I went with the family that I nanny for to Houston for a Bar Mitzvah/Rodeo one-two-punch! I love my “job.” The Long Beach Luscious Man insisted on picking me up from the airport. This proved to be a quite a grand gesture as I am usually bribing others to pick me up with promises of breakfast or cocktails for their trouble. But this time, someone else was begging me to let them ride up in a white chariot and whisk me away to my castle. Oh the delight!
And the fairytale I did have! Spotting him from across the parking lot, I sneak, roller bag and all, behind a dense forest covering of F150s, Civics and Escalades. The young girl giddiness rising in me like a sugar rush. Popping out from behind my vehicle blockade, his smile is enough to burst my heart wide open. The embrace, the tender touching of lips, the sigh of a long awaited hello. Chivalrous knight takes my bag. He is tall and strong and bearded! I had mentioned the week prior that the mountain man look really does it for me. He took note. He opens the back hatch of his newly purchased (yes, white!) Land Rover to reveal a bouquet of flowers for yours truly. They reminded him of me, wild and colorful. Awwwwhhhhhh, swoon!. Another example of his attentiveness. Last week in my bedroom he notices a filled vase, and with a hint of jealous curiosity asks, “So who is buying you flowers?” Sly, yet bold, I respond, “I am!” He proclaims he wants to be the one to adorn my sleeping space. So be it, dashing prince. But the fun is not done. My attempt to hoist myself up into his leather seated carriage is foiled. Something has taken my seat. A brightly colored box stares back at me. “What is this?” I smile. “Oh, just something for my mom,” he teases. Oh really? So, does your mom wear the same perfume as me? The very one that I just happened to run out of this week? He has done it again. This time a one-two-three punch, and I am out.
The rest of the night that follows is pure bliss, whether we are pumping gas, donning red sequined cowboy hats or wrapped up in each other’s warmth. This man is a gem. He is a true knight and I must remember to acknowledge him as such. Especially if I desire to be the queen of it all. Because honestly, I do want it all. I want the knight, the lover, the friend, the confidant, the hero, the jokester, the travel companion, and the list goes on and on. I desire to savor every juicy morsel of life with my man, squeeze out it’s fresh juices and let the liquid envelope me. But is my wanting for it all actually causing me to miss out on the most delicious experience of all? Love.
I watch my behavior with pensive curiosity. Each time I get a little bit closer to the Long Beach Climber, a little more intimate, I steal away my own attention. I jump back on OKCupid. I make an effort to contact past crushes. I allow that 22 year-old to flirt with me and but his hand on the small of my back. Baby girl, what are you doing? Why this need to look to the sides and distract myself from something very real in front of me? The answer that comes forward is one of not wanting to limit myself. The idea of settling is a huge trigger for me. It infuriates me actually. I truly believe that we are all immensely powerful beings, capable of conjuring up anything that we desire. So then why would we choose anything less than the fullness of our dreams?
Well, sometimes it is because we are lazy. Sometimes we forget that we possess the same magical acuity of a warlock. And sometimes there are beliefs swarming around in our precious little minds telling us that what we crave most is just not possible. These vicious thought villains must be struck down with great fury! This is where I must be my own knight and hunt down the foes in my head with absolute vigilance. In the deliciously full life that I experience, there is no room for blah blahs and wah wahs. Limiting beliefs be gone! In this statement, I realize that it is never any one man that will hold me back in life. It is purely the thoughts in my own mind that will be responsible for any un-fulfillment I experience. With fear and doubt lingering, 1,000 different men couldn’t keep life spicy for me.
I am reminded once more that the clarity of my desires is sooooo important. I must be real with myself not only on what I want to have, but also the essence of what I desire to feel. I desire to feel love! Does this mean I have to allow myself to fall in love with Long Beach Boy? No rules mama! I get to experience love in every wonderful way, shape and form. No limits. Nothing ever means anything unless we believe it to be. This is how powerful we are.
I am now so inspired, I am off to write my ideal scenes for experiencing love AND for my invigorating pleasure coaching practice. If you desire to uplift your life into alignment with your desires, feel free to contact me. It is my absolute pleasure to be in loving service to your divine life.
Your Sequined Rodeo Goddess!